If You Want To
by SunshineDaisiesWindmills
Summary: He's being a pansy. He should be kissing her. He should have snogged her senseless the moment they set foot in his dormitory. Really, she should be lying naked underneath him, writhing and screaming his name at the top of her lungs.


"You can kiss me. You know, if you want." Her voice is a whisper, quick and nervous. He's never heard her sound like this before.

"Oh," he's surprised. He turns to look at her; their heads are very close together. "I want to."

She inches a bit closer to him on his bed, their thighs are nearly touching. She turns to face him, "Okay."

She closes her brilliant green eyes and tilts her head up, opening her mouth. He moves in, hands cupping her face- that beautiful face he's wanted to touch for so long- and pulling it closer. This is it, the moment he's dreamed of forever. Their faces are only millimeters apart. He inhales deeply through his nose, and catches a whiff of her breath. It smells of firewhiskey.

She's drunk. He knows this. He's known it from the moment she asked him to come up here with her. He can't. He tilts his head to the side and places a gentle kiss on her cheek.

"That wasn't really what I had in mind, James," Lily looks up at him, eyes curious.

"You're drunk."

"Not very," she moves still closer to him.

"You'll regret it in the morning," he shuffles away.

"I won't," her hands are on his chest.

"You're only saying that because you're drunk," he leans away from her.

"Drunken words are sober thoughts," her hands are snaking up around his neck, she's pulling herself closer.

"Stop it."

"Kiss me."

He's being a pansy. He should be kissing her. He should have snogged her senseless the moment they set foot in his dormitory. Really, she should be lying naked underneath him, writhing and screaming his name at the top of her lungs.

"No," he gets up from his bed and takes a few steps away from her.

She lets out a scream of frustration and flops onto the bed behind her. "You're infuriating."

He's leaning against a bedpost opposite her, arms crossed over his chest, "So I've been told."

"Really," she props herself up to look at him properly, "Do you know why I even drank tonight?"

"In celebration of our quidditch victory, of course."

She shakes her head, "That was my excuse," he raises his eyebrows, "the real reason was for me," she gets up from the bed and walks toward him, "to pluck up the courage and finally snog you. I've been dying to for ages."

"Why didn't you then?" They're whispering again, and very close together.

"I got nervous," she breaks eye contact and blushes. "And apparently with good reason!" She turns away from him.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You obviously don't want to kiss me, which is really what I was afraid of-"

"I just told you I _do_ want to kiss you."

"And yet," she crosses her arms over her chest, "here we are, _not_ kissing."

He exhales loudly. "You're not giving up on this, are you?"

"You never did."

"No," he chuckles, "but I was sober. You're going to wake up tomorrow and go back to hating me and realize that this was a terrible idea."

"I don't hate you. I actually like you a rather lot. It's why I'm asking you to kiss me."

"I'm not going to kiss you."

"We've established that," She sits back down on his bed, yawning and lying down. "But I'm staying here tonight."

"Oh, really?"

"Yes," she sneaks between the sheets.

"And where will I sleep?"

"With me," she moves over and pats the space beside her.

"That's a very bad idea," he states. Her offer is very tempting, but he must hold his resolve. He'd never be able to restrain himself he she were so close, in his bed. And that would make him a really terrible person.

"Well I'm not asking you to shag me!" She's exasperated.

"I'm really not the person you want to share a bed with."

"You're actually exactly the person I want to share a bed with. Get in."

"No. Floor for me."

"You're being a git."

"I'm giving you my bed! Is it really fair to call me names?"

"Yes. I offered to share."

She closes the curtains around her, presumably already falling asleep. He grabs a blanket and a spare pillow and attempts to make himself comfortable on the floor. He tosses and turns for a bit, finally getting comfortable in a supremely awkward position.

"James?" he hears a voice calling softly from his bed.

"Yes, Lily?" he responds.

"You're very sweet."

"I try," he smiles.

"You're really a true gentleman."

"Thanks, Lil."

The room falls silent again.

* * *

><p>She's gone when he wakes up. The curtains surrounding his bed are open and his bed is made. He rises slowly from the floor, stretching out his sore muscles. He checks his watch, sees he still has time to get breakfast, dresses quickly and heads downstairs.<p>

He sees a familiar red head poking out from behind a chair. He approaches her from behind, and startles her when he says "Hey,"

She swats him playfully, "What are you doing down here so early?'

"Headed to breakfast. Care to join me?" he offers his arm to her.

She accepts and the two head down to the Great Hall, chatting aimlessly. They enjoy the meal and each other's company, and all too soon the food starts disappearing and it's time for them to leave.

"Fancy a walk out by the lake?" Lily asks James. He agrees to it. When they arrive, Lily stops walking. "James?"

"Yes?"

"I- thank you for last night," he looks bewildered, "You were right, I would've regretted snogging you."

"Oh," he can't hide the disappointment in his voice.

"Not because I don't want to snog you!" she quickly amends, "Because I want to be fully present when I do." She moves closer to him.

"Do you now?" He grabs her waist to pull her closer.

"Yes," she whispers, wrapping her arms around his neck.

"And how do you feel right now?" She's nearly flush against him.

"Fully present."

"Good," he says, "You can kiss me, if you want to."

She giggles, "Oh, I want to."

And they kiss.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: So I wrote this while waiting for Pottermore. I literally just finished it, and haven't read anything through at all. Posting it on a whim. It's a bit odd, but I hoped you enjoyed it! Please remember to leave a review! <strong>


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